WET MONDAY AT ROSE BAY
the sky in deep shade grey
with milky custard cloud
cast heavy over the bay
halyards tinkling fluted sound
with milky custard cloud
the wind began to sing
halyard clanging bell'd sound
boats rocking bob and fling
the wind began to wail
rain falls on shell scrunched sound
boats rocking heave and fling
striped umbrella inside out
rain pelts on shell scrunched sand
stinging skin and salted lips
ripped umbrella inside out
tears washed in white foam waves
stinging skin and salted lips
downpour heavy over the bay
tears washed in white foam waves
the sky in deep shade grey
This is wonderful, Rallentanda! I love the rhyme and the assonance of all of those repeated vowels, and some of these images -- "milky custard cloud," "shell scrunched sand" -- just lovely!
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel. On a rare occasion I write
ReplyDeletepropa pomes:)
Lovely poem, Rall. It tells of turmoil and sadness in an attractive way.
ReplyDeleteBe careful that folks don't mistake your site for the Italian Tourist Board!
WV: catistio !
Ha, it does look rather Italian! That WV sounds very rude.Those google word verificationers must be multi lingual smart
ReplyDeletearses.
Your pantoum is lovely, Rall! I've not tried one. I love the tempo in this piece. It feels exactly like a storm, the wind and the rain swirling ever stronger.
ReplyDeleteI love the pictures this poem makes, Rall.
ReplyDeleteThanks Marianne. This was my one and only. I think you have to have the right subject and a sort of musical approach to this form for it to be successful.
ReplyDeleteRall: A rhythmic dreamy poem of sadness, your pantoum worked beautifully. Your talent, as your blog, is exquisite.
ReplyDeletehttp://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2010/06/without-consequenceperson-of-my-bad.html
Ahh, Giancarlo Giannini ... such a lyrical name. I suddenly have a craving for Spaghetti alla puttanesca!
ReplyDeleteOh, I know those deep shade gray skies tinged with custard color (and with a streak of sickening green at times). Very regal, Rallentanda...as if waiting with head held high for a tornado to touch down or a hurricane to blow through...but not quite yet. The tension is palpable.
ReplyDeletePoor American me...I had to look up "hallyard," but recognized it immediately when I realized that we spell it "halyard." I have been sailing (in the Gulf, which is nigh on impossible now), so I know that sound. When I re-read your pantoum, I could hear it.
Ahh, yes Marianne I have a craving for both;)
ReplyDeleteHe is great in 'Swept Away'.You're right...that name rolls right round the tongue.
It's a very sensual language,combined with good food and hot weather...hey, you wanna go to Italy?
Thankyou Mary for your generous and gracious comment.Please join us here for a prompt sometime.
ReplyDeleteIt is difficult with the American verses English spelling Linda.I am so sorry what has happened in the Gulf. I know you are deeply affected by it. On a lighter note my only serious criticism of the American language is the corruption of the word 'arse' which in imo
ReplyDeleteis one of the finest words in the English language.If I were American I would start a movement to reintroduce this beautiful word.It is something you might consider!:)
Rall
ReplyDeleteI can feel the storm in this piece!
I used to live one block from the beach before moving to Mexico. And when it stormed, oh how I can relate to this.
"stinging skin and salted lips"
Love this!
Pamela
btw thanks for the positive comments
De rien cherie!
ReplyDeletedont know, rall. smartarse? that's not the same, as smartass, now is it?
ReplyDeleteI perceive two different origins inappropriately interchanged. hmmm
I think your pantoum is lovely. recycled or not.
question: could two stanzas constitute a pantoum?
An ass refers to an idiot. Thus smartass is
ReplyDeletean oxymoron whereas a smart arse can be metaphoric or literal.
Besides a pain in the arse sounds so much more
insulting than a pain in the ass.From the tone of your comment I presume you wont be joining the committee for bringing the arse back to America.
A rhythmic soothing lilt to language stands in stark contrast to the power of storm. Exquisite!
ReplyDeleteI use arse more than most - it works because so few of the recipients have a clue! This pantoum has beautiful rhythm, a ballad for sure.
ReplyDeleteI need to start writing with little smileyface/frownyface thingys. I'm from a country that covets its neighbor's arse. (insert sardonimoticon here)
ReplyDeleteA beautiful poem, Rall, if anger can be beautiful. You are an artist for sure. Where is Rose Bay?
ReplyDeletehttp://troublebeingstrong.blogspot.com/2010/06/when-anger-erupts.html
This piece touches all the senses in a very vivid way, and the repetition, while obvious, is quite subtle.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stanski
ReplyDeleteDiane ..Rose Bay is in Sydney.
Thanks and Good for you Tumblewords.
Ha Barbara..you could have a fun time doing biblical interpretations with this misnomer.
ReplyDeleteThe rhythmic sounds are lovely. Rolling, lolling -- makes me imagine a powerful, but dialog-less (not proper, so sorry) scene.
ReplyDeleteRall I can picture this so well, love your milky custard cloud. Great pantoum.
ReplyDeleteSuch a sensual, rhythmic poem! Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteRall, neat to learn Rose Bay is in Sydney! Been to Sydney, but I don't think to Rose Bay.
ReplyDeleteThat is a pity Diane...You missed the best part!
ReplyDeleteWonderful use of sound to augment your meaning. Loved this:
ReplyDeletewith milky custard cloud
the wind began to sing
Terrific pantoum
beautiful rall...the sound of a wail and the wind in a gray storm
ReplyDelete