A poem using lines from Japanese poet Kakinomoto no Hitomaru.
Hitori kamo nen ( If I'm to sleep alone)
Naga-nagashi yo wo ( So long like this night )
I will think of you
I can still feel you
Your indelible memory
Shidari-o-no ( just flows and flows )
With a title like that, how could I not like the poem? :P
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you blended another poem with your work, especially in using the Japanese in the main part so it flowed between Japanese and English, while still being understandable because of the translation in parenthesis. One note on the literal translation of the five lines of the tanka:
Mountain slope’s
Mountain bird’s tail’s
Long hanging tail’s
Long, long night
Alone maybe sleep?
Because it repeats "tail" twice and is comparing it to a mountain slope to emphasize how long and flowing it is, I translated "shidari-o-no" as "just flows and flows" even while literally it's "Long hanging tail’s." This is the full note on the poem: http://www.followtheblueflute.com/2011/11/lonely-kakinomoto.html
I like this combination. I think your three lines:
ReplyDeleteI will think of you
I can still feel you
Your indelible memory
these work well on their own. Nice.
Oh dear.... your indelible memory a long hanging tail...not very flattering to say the least..well I suppose it depends on how you interpret the word tail:)
ReplyDeleteBlue flute..did you really need to give me the literal translation of these words?:)
ha. well played i like your blend, and your words fit well within...i got a chuckle that blue flutes translation...
ReplyDeleteI love the way you weave English with Japanese. Even without knowing the meaning of the Japanese words, the sound is so poetic, so musical, so "right". I admire this quite a bit. It bridges something that is intrinsically needed in the form I think. Or to say it differently it is very satisfying. Thank you.
ReplyDeletenice...still feeling the other..love how you weave english and japanese together..love the sound..
ReplyDeleteWhoaaaa....that was beautiful. Hit me right between the atrium and ventricle. Great job.
ReplyDelete