A Xmas Tale for the Big Kiddies

Another Xmas Eve
What are those elves feeding the reindeers
I can't keep cleaning up all this crap
Every year the Santa letters are getting worse
with demands for money and threats if presents
aren't delivered on time

Every year my suit is getting tighter
A few nips of brandy will help me slide into it
Another Xmas Eve away from home
Oh to be cosy tucked up in bed I'm too old for this

A few more nips of brandy and I'll be on my way

It's like a lake around the house with the ice cap melting

Should have worn my rain boots

'OK Prancer Dancer whatever your name is..Move!'

Quite a sprinkling of stars up here tonight

The deers wont like it-always spooks them
A few nips of brandy should do the trick

Bloomin' reindeers are going beserk
This is the third time around the pole
We're going around in circles
Another Xmas Eve out in the cold
A few more nips of brandy will warm me up

Bleary eyed Santa looks down at the north sea and
thinks of last summer in Cancun
Lying on white sand covered in coconut oil
Calypso giggling, plaiting his whiskers with beads
playing with his maracas,wearing floral board shorts
without a reindeer in sight

A few more nips of dutch courage is all he needs
to toss the irridescent tinseled gift boxes overboard
and head for the nearest airport

'OK I'm leaving you reindeers in the parking lot
If you get bored feel free to play in the traffic'
Sitting on the plane,destination sun and surf
a few more nips of brandy to calm his shattered nerves
he looks out of the window at the sea
covered in seemingly small coloured icebergs
spotlit by a bright full moon

A little boy seated nearby also looking out says
'Look Mommy, the sea is floating with Xmas presents'
The mother not raising her eyes from her magazine says
'Santa doesn't bring presents to children who tell big whoppers!'

A Merry Xmas To All...