A poem based on Dr. Ruth's 10 point Recipe for a Sex Poem
'All I want for Xmas is a Fridge'
the heat was filthy that night
she tossed and turned
sticking to her sheets
got up and went to the kitchen
lit softly by a street lamp outside
she looked out of the uncurtained window
beads of sweat glistened
about her neck like a
jewelled necklace
her night gown cling wrapped
to her majestic orbs and triumphant mounds
of boadicean granite like a second skin
the old barely functioning fridge
vibrating away in the corner
like a paddle boat steamer
hummed its relentless
rollin' rollin 'rollin'
rollin' rollin' rollin'
providing the ritornello
to Ray's concerto across the road
roy rogering his mrs
at the same time every week
to the 'Rawhide' tune full blast
with added sound effects of
cracking whips and cowboy yelps
helpful hints that came with
the viagra pack
With Frankie Laine ringing in her ears
she opens the fridge door
to get a cool drink
when her eye catches
an odd shape in the dark
at the back
gingerly she pulls it out
and holding the limp
shrivelled radish in
the palm of her hand
sighs wistfully
It was the first time
she had thought of him in years
I was not expecting that ending at all. LOL. Very funny.
ReplyDelete(My honey wants to comment on the sex poems. I think I have turned him onto poetry now... fabulous...)
Sure, he can comment on mine.You and your honey are very photogenic!
ReplyDeletemajestic orbs and triumphant mounds
ReplyDeleteof boadicean granite
Magnificent turn of phrase, rallentanda!
Then I got to the limp radish and fell off my barstool laughing! Wonderful!
Yes Paul I could hear you laughing all the way across the ocean.Glad to give you a good giggle!
ReplyDeleteI tend to forget that you're having summer. Your fridge makes me think of the old ones with the little freezing box hanging down, barely big enough for ice trays, collecting frost and the occasional box of peas.
ReplyDeletePoor radish. At least he would cool you off.
What's disturbing is that I can actually sing the theme to Rawhide
Yep,we've still got fridges like that.I can sing Rawhide too.It was the most insane song I could think of to have sex to.Of course if you don't know the song it wouldn't mean anything!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it on youtube video.
I like the long drawn out last note
Rawhiiiiiiiiiiiide!
I love the limp radish! Wonderful ending indeed!
ReplyDeleteAnd now, pardon, tale for tale - once was in the first days of TV a local kiddy & puppet show. No budget. So the puppet was a carrot! They added a Mr. Potato nose and sunglasses. And every Friday, dear Carrot was a wee limp himself! And by Monday, they'd been back to the grocery! Even as a kid, it cracked me up.
Yes,kids don't miss much,do they?
ReplyDeleteThis is just plain nasty, Rall! Poor radish! I agree with Paul about the "boadicean granite". And Rawhide certainly featured in my childhood. Can't beat Frankie Laine.
ReplyDeleteSorry but I chickened out this week. Don't have such a vivid imagination as some!
'These words are razors to my wounded heart'
ReplyDelete..Titus Andronicus'to think it has come to this'..Hamlet
I love the little bends, turns, and crooks your mind takes on any subject, but this was terrific! Rawhide, indeed!
ReplyDelete"Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?"
ReplyDelete"I will speak daggers to her, but use none"
Hamlet too.
I love twisted endings!
ReplyDeletenature copulates
Triptoes..Quel surprise!I don't really perceive myself as twisted but Cynthia and Derrick would agree with you.
ReplyDelete"Keep those doggies rollin'...." The image of the 'shrivelled radish' brought the smile and the closing line brought the laughter. This poem was too funny, Rallentanda. Even the raunchy neighbors were delightful. At least the fridge might have cooled her off a bit. I loved the 'deal with it' attitude of the whole piece. The 50's setting was perfect. =D
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda.If I think of your poem it cracks me up...absolutely outrageous.Do you know that Canadian men are the most sexually satisfied men in the Western World? I think I know why.
ReplyDeleteRoll 'em, roll 'em, roll 'em, Rawhide! briarcat - I can sing a lot more of the lyrics than that - unfortunately, as you say.
ReplyDeleterallentanda - this is a wonderful poem, funny with memories both gratifying and touched by sadness. I laughed out loud at your final lines.
Rall,
ReplyDeleteYour provocative and outrageous details were both highly entertaining and highly effective. I really felt like I was there, which made me laugh and squirm (there's nothing like the discomfort of hearing one's neighbors going at it, except maybe sharing that discomfort with someone else). The ending was unexpected and neatly wry.
nice one Rall...beine an OLDer sex maniac poet...from Canada...what can I say....anyways...thanks for sharing this
ReplyDeleteI love all the unexpected twists and turns that this poem takes. I love all the funny bits but I catch a hint of underlying sadness and I can appreciate that too. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ericas comment about underlying sadness, but you totally cracked me up with the limp and shriveled radish. Unexpected and funny!
ReplyDeleteFrom the beginning - I really like "the heat was filthy that night" - to that limp radish, I liked this funny funny poem.
ReplyDeleteThankyou everyone for your comments.It's my pleasure to make you laugh.A few mentioned an underlying sadness.Most humorists and comedians
ReplyDeleteare basically sad sensitive souls and mask their condition with humour.I obviously have a way to go.A friend gave me a t shirt.It says
'life is too serious to be taken seriously'
Hasta la vista Amigos!
So very funny, and original. Who would have thought of the fridge? made me laugh.
ReplyDeletethanks, sarah