The lamentable decline of the Eccentric

3WW..object educate silence

Sex like love, my father thought, had been greatly overestimated by the poets.
He would often pause at tea time ,his biscuit half way to his mouth,to announce,
'I have never had mistresses with thighs like white marble.'
while my mother without making any objection, cut more bread and butter or spooned out home-made marrow jam in silence.

'The roses and raptures of vices are damned uncomfortable as you'll certainly find out. You have to get into such ridiculous positions.'
This was the extent of the sex education I received from my father and rather bewildering for an eleven year old boy but not more so than the greeting he often used when I was very young
'Is execution done on Cawdor?'
a question which at the age of six,I was at a loss to answer.

Paraphrased and based on "Clinging to the Wreckage" John Mortimer