I always remember my dad asking me to go grab him a beer after he'd been working in the yard all day. I would pop it open and try a sip and I remember hating it. Then, who knows what happened, but I started liking it. Now I have a beer once in a while, I don't drink much anyhow.
I thought you handled the shadorma form well here. The syllable count keeps the lines concise, and that brevity works well with the visual snapshots – I'm not inclined to comfort food or beer but I can picture the scene. The shift from pool to umbrella to beer moves in a logical, relaxed progression that carried me through. The only odd note was breaststroking like a swan! It presented a hilarious if unintended visual image.
My mouth is watering, nothing can beat a cold beer in a hot day.
ReplyDeleteWould love to be there.
ReplyDeleteI wish that were me right now! Cheers, Rall 🍻A scorcher of a poem.
ReplyDeleteOoh yes 🙌🍺
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for me to remember summer when we're in autumn. Thank you for reminding me!
ReplyDeleteI always remember my dad asking me to go grab him a beer after he'd been working in the yard all day. I would pop it open and try a sip and I remember hating it. Then, who knows what happened, but I started liking it. Now I have a beer once in a while, I don't drink much anyhow.
ReplyDeleteI thought you handled the shadorma form well here. The syllable count keeps the lines concise, and that brevity works well with the visual snapshots – I'm not inclined to comfort food or beer but I can picture the scene. The shift from pool to umbrella to beer moves in a logical, relaxed progression that carried me through. The only odd note was breaststroking like a swan! It presented a hilarious if unintended visual image.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could step into this poem right now. 'Magical comfort moment'. Lovely.
ReplyDeletecherish those moments!
ReplyDeleteSummer refreshment! I could feel the heat!!
ReplyDeleteRall, I feel that shift from “a svelte swan” to “cold beer / does the trick” captures such an easy, summer-warm mood.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
David
SkepticsKaddish.com
hi, Rall❣️
ReplyDeleteJust wanna let you know that this week's W3, hosted by our beloved Shaun Tenzenmen, is now live:
W3
Much love,
David
SkepticsKaddish.com