Rallentanda

Rallentanda

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Read Write Poem 105

Prompt : meteors,hit, moon,abiding,curled,
backs,pierced,moved,safer,pulled,
precious,telephone, neglect,stars,shell
wind,radar,trees



moved by the beauty of a summer's night
she picked up the precious shell
and pressed it to her ear
listening to the wind wail
through the pulled branches from trees
singing psalms of abiding neglect
she marvelled at the curled backs
of the waves so high they almost hit the moon
the sky pierced with stars seemed a better option
a safer place with its meteors and milky way
flying solo under the radar loop
dodging knives and the telephone had appeal
slipping through the cracks so to speak

22 comments:

  1. listening to the wind wail
    through the pulled branches from trees
    singing psalms of abiding neglect


    I love these lines, rallentanda! You have such control, bringing all the words into play with an ease that looks like you talk in this poetic idiom as your first language. Wonderful!

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  2. Thankyou Paul.Your comments are always
    insightful and erudite.

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  3. Hi Rall,

    Wouldn't it be wonderful to 'slip through the cracks' and inhabit that 'sky pierced with stars'? And you used all the words effortlessly. A lovely poem.

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  4. A great use of the words. I caught your use of alliteration in here, which gives this a nice quality sonically, and loved "singing psalms of abiding neglect". Great job. I enjoyed reading this.

    -Nicole

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  5. You weave such a beautiful scene here, and the use of language seems so effortless.

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  6. I can feel myself becoming the woman in the poem. Beautiful.

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  7. I know everyone's already said it, but "singing psalms of abiding neglect" = one of the best lines I've seen in a long, long time. (And the rest of the images are pretty darn amazing too, you know.) Love it!

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  8. Sweet! I wonder if it is the inclusion of the word "neglect" that makes for wistful poems. My favorite part here is dodging the knives and the telephone--what a great pairing.

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  9. A wise and wistful piece that sings to itself with the finest lullaby. Wonderful.

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  10. I read this out loud and it sounds marvelous...almost better than it reads.

    Which is quite tasty.

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  11. I like the idea of nature as something one must "slip through the cracks" to escape to, it seems so paradoxical and ironic, but true, and I love the "so to speak" add-on, for tone, and wordplay.

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  12. I loved reading your poem Rallentanda. This work expresses the summer experience through out its lines. What a good place to think about, while I am here freezing my butt! You are a master at weaving images and ideas. Thank you for sharing.

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  13. The curled backs of waves are glorious! Yes!

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  14. Soothing natural images - I like the progression from the beautiful to the dangerous.

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  15. This is an amazing use of the prompt, and I can only echo what others have said about the tone and imagery of this. Really well done!

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  16. I was lulled by the rolling beauty, then got to the knives, which relieved me in some way -- a nice twist to sit this reader up straight.

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  17. Thankyou for all your encouraging comments.Next
    week Christmas Eve is poetry day. I love Christmas so no matter what the prompt is I'm fitting Christmas into it somehow!

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  18. So compact and concise a response to the prompt, and the images as the first wind begins to sing, just keep step so musically, beautifully. This poem totally won me over with the first four lines - nothing so dramatic, but physical, and emotionally intimate. It is a genuine pleasure reading this poem.

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  19. I appreciate your comment very much Neil,especially about the musical aspect of it.
    A toute a l'heure
    Toodle loo (English derivation!)

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  20. great use of words Rall....thanks for sharing

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  21. from Therese L. Broderick -- This is beautiful! A lovely mood piece in a partcular but unnamed place near sea/sky border. Simple in diction, yet enigmatic, almost mystical. I love the last words of the poem: "so to speak" which somehow relates to everything: shell, wind, radar, telephone, human ear. Very nice!

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