Rallentanda

Rallentanda

Friday, April 20, 2012

Turn Back The Clock



say that it not too late
life is passion this is fate

i'm outta my mind with worry
im not waiting i'm in a hurry

my sights are only set on you
hurt,i know you'll put me through

will accept the outcome come what may
a poet's life is not a passion play

say that it's not too late for us
ah zut i've gone and missed the bus
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7 comments:

  1. Brian MillerApril 20, 2012 at 7:33 AM

    hope you have not missed the bus, there is def emotion and yearning in this....i might disagree with the poets life not being a passion play, ha...

    ReplyDelete
  2. BeachannyApril 20, 2012 at 9:48 AM

    Hi - loved the music vid to go with - I didn't know this piece and enjoyed it.

    I liked your poem a lot - however it's still a long way from meeting the demands of the form. Not sure how far you may have wanted to stray, but you did quite a bit. As I've stated on other blogs, it's your prerogative to meet whatever part of a "form" poem that you want, and stray as much as you want-- but for the record - here's where yours went off the rails so to speak:

    You seemed to start with beginning rhymes (1st syllables only are necessary not full words unless they're one syllable words as yours were). Your end rhymes are fine, however, you end STOPPED your lines and in this form it is preferred that you wrap your lines around so that the couplet or perhaps a pair of couplets are a sentence, or you break the sentence in the middle of the line.

    Then the meter is not right. It calls for the line to begin on a stressed syllable and alternate stressed/unstressed for NINE syllables. None of your lines meet that definition. In fact you defeated that particular musicality by placing two stressed beats together at the first of the lines in many places.

    So while the poem functions here with end rhyme, it really isn't a Framed Couplet rhyme. But never mind, this is not easily achieved. It takes hours and hours to get it just right. I spent four or more on mine, and I'm still not really completely happy with it. So good luck on the next one. When you get it, I think you'll find it very satisfying.

    Thanks so much for participating.

    ReplyDelete
  3. rallentandaApril 20, 2012 at 5:53 PM

    Sorry Miss

    The 3 minute poem does not obviously fufill the pre requisites of your framed couplet form(whatever that is)I should really read the instructions before I race in pleasure bent. Thank you for your well thought out didactic directives. I will attempt to do better next time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Way of DodoApril 21, 2012 at 11:45 AM

    I was about to make very similar observations myself. Rules, rules, rules!

    ReplyDelete
  5. SemaphoreApril 21, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    The form is defeating me as well, I have been trying, but can't find anything to pass muster. So it is courageous for you to try! In any case, the rhymed couplet form, which you end up with here, works perfectly well. Good read.

    ReplyDelete
  6. rallentandaApril 21, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    Thank you Semaphore.You make it to the top of the Christmas card list.

    Dudesta you and tonto have been removed.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The Way of DodoApril 21, 2012 at 3:50 PM

    You are very fickle - I still have 8 days left.

    ReplyDelete

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