cracked lips, dry mouth must have water
tis salted water everywhere
thirsty parched, torn driftwood caught her
cracked lips dry mouth must have water
drowning in a foreign quarter
she spots a life boat over there
cracked lips, dry mouth must have water
tis salted water everywhere
What a fine picture you have drawn, and the story around it. Really effective use of the form. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThis almost feels like a memorial to a Titanic survivor, or someone from a similar capsized ship. The salt water is almost palpable.
ReplyDeleteThe salt on the lips, and the thirst, is almost palpable. Agonizing, a memorial to a survivor from a capsized ship.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you incorporate abstraction into the traditional form. Seeking a lifeboat shows some desperation, perhaps alienation. There's a sadness in the poem.
ReplyDeletei would hate to dies of dehydration...ugh...nasty stuff you know...nice make up job too
ReplyDeleteHow insightful of you Mr. Miller!
ReplyDelete