she probed and probed
searching for a skerrick
of inner strength
some malevolent and repulsive
criticism would be welcome right now
to ease the break
she looked in the mirror
a scorched wilted sunflower
looked back at her
she had been
uncharacteristically patient
waiting and waiting
for some reason
she could never contain her chariot
in a polite little trot around the park
she rode with him full speed
like a comet through space
and like always
she flew too close to the sun
Oh, shattering. Brilliant. To use Icarus and Apollo and the mirror together, To see self changed like in Dorian Grey's portrait. And maybe the surreal image is the harsh words longed for, but the mirror conscience is too cruel. Thank you for this poem! I love it.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing title & that last verse just brought it home ~
ReplyDeleteMistakes or misconceptions can well bring disasters to a head! Sometimes one tends to take too much risks! Nicely Rallentanda!
ReplyDeleteHank
a very brilliant write ...
ReplyDeleteSkerrick is a wonderful word..sounds how it must feel..i hope she turns not burns next time..lets her little petals heal and re-grow
ReplyDeleteLove it! When we realize we are close to sun, can we descend or lower the speed? in your story - no ~ Love the life assertiveness.
ReplyDeleteoh, I like this...especially the "uncharacteristically patient waiting''
ReplyDeleteskerrick - my new word learned today! Is it better to have ridden fast too close to the sun and have the memories, or to take the safe path? Seems like the comet ride might be fun!
ReplyDeletea love the illusions you use. Beautiful work
ReplyDeleteLove the scorched sunflower and flying too close to the sun. Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteVery touching and moving. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love these lines:
ReplyDeletefor some reason
she could never contain her chariot
in a polite little trot around the park
she rode with him full speed
like a comet through space
and like always
she flew too close to the sun.
I'm not usually taken with awe but here is stand in it!
ReplyDeleteCuriously mankind's advancement has been due to the Icarus's in our world who fly too close to the sun, test the limits and lead us into the trap of thinking we are better that we really are. Now this is not malevolent and repulsive criticism but is the best I can do as I admire your work.
ReplyDeleteThank you old egg. What an elegant way of letting me know that you think I have an overblown opinion of myself:)
ReplyDeleteone never knows how close to ride until you try... enjoyed this...
ReplyDeleteActually old egg the invitation for negative criticism was extended only to my charioteer companion who has been riding with me in heady clouds too close to the sun. A dangerous but exciting exercise . Unfortunately we have had to break up owing to scorched wings and fire ball burns as I do not possess the restraint or the desire to perform that polite little trot around the park...
ReplyDeleteThe story being told drew my in and the last line made me stay and read again...always love your work.
ReplyDelete...your imagery today intrigues me a lot... quite a ride to think closely & deeply as possible... smiles...
ReplyDeleteHi, um, just a suggestion, you know, you don't have to do it but, ah, have you ever considered increasing your font size by a pixel or two? Just an idea, you know, nothing to worry about, I suppose it wont change much really and, if you don't like it or anything you don't have to do anything of course. OK?
ReplyDeleteMy dear whoever you are
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how technically challenged I am. The only font I know is a holy water font in the Church. Increasing pixel sizes? LOL...I am happy to increase my pixels if I can still drink champers and eat lamingtons. If you give me blow by blow instructions I will attempt to do this. Is my print too small? It looks OK to me on my side of the little black box but it must be obviously too small on yours..Thank you for letting me know ...not that I would have the slightest idea of what to do about it.
Well, yeah, um, no. I am a tough, fearlless, you know, hairy-chested, critic. Well, maybe not a critic as such, maybe more of a, um, well, no, yes, a critic. Yes, I am a nasty sort of critical person. That is who I am. It is not my role to be telling you how to do things, no, no, I am here to tell you that they are, maybe, not intersecting with my critical views. I am not expecting to be able to fix the problem that may or may not be there.
DeleteGeez, you sound like a complete looney...just my sort of guy...I'm having a holiday from loonies at the moment but leave your address and I will contact you when I'm ready to self destruct again:)
ReplyDeleteI'm an incomplete looney. The operation, you know, it...well...ah…never mind. If you find any marbles, they're probably mine.
ReplyDeleteDiction is fabulous in piece. Made for a very interesting read, in addition to the message.
ReplyDeleteshe flew too close to the sun.
ReplyDeletesacrifice .
The last line changed the outlook to the entire poem. Brilliant work, Rallentanda. loved it.
Kalpana I would love to comment on your work . I do not because you use google + which requires one to give a full name and date of birth....privacy breach in my world and anyone would be ill advised to give this information. !
Delete"she could never contain her chariot / in a polite little trot around the park" excellent, awesome how your title functions with the last line -- this lady is a wildfire
ReplyDeleteThe Title is derived from Christopher Fry's play " The Lady is not for Burning"
DeleteIndeed the Lady is destined for an intensive Burns Unit:)